Faith is deeply personal, a source of strength, and for many, a foundation of who they are. But when someone tries to control or manipulate us through our beliefs, it can be profoundly damaging, leaving lasting scars and even shaking our connection to our faith.
Spiritual abuse can happen anywhere there’s a power imbalance—whether it’s in a marriage, a family, or within religious communities. Here, we’ll look at what spiritual abuse is, how to recognize it, and what you can do to protect yourself or someone you know.
What is Spiritual Abuse?
Spiritual abuse happens when someone uses religion or faith to control, manipulate, or harm another person. Unlike other forms of abuse, spiritual abuse can make the victim feel as though they’re betraying their beliefs if they don’t comply. It can be especially hard to recognize because it often comes wrapped in language that seems “right” on the surface but leaves the person feeling trapped or diminished.
In a 2000-person survey by the Peaceful Families Project, nearly half of the Muslim women survivors reported experiencing spiritual abuse, showing it’s a significant issue within the community.
Common Signs of Spiritual Abuse in Power Dynamics
Spiritual abuse can come from a partner, family members, religious leaders, or even community influencers. Here are a few red flags to look for:
1. Twisting Religious Teachings for Control: Abusers may cherry-pick religious texts or doctrines to justify their control over others, enforcing obedience by saying it’s “God’s will” or “the right way” while disregarding the broader principles of compassion and respect.
2. Limiting Your Religious Freedom: Abusers may prevent victims from fully expressing their faith, forcing them to follow rules they don’t believe in or restricting their participation in religious practices. This can isolate the victim from their community, creating dependence on the abuser.
3. Using Power to Silence You: If the abuser is an authority figure, like a respected community member or a religious leader, they may use their position to make it seem like resistance is wrong. This leaves the person feeling like they can’t question the abuse, because they’re up against someone the whole community respects.
4. Making You Doubt Your Faith: Some abusers convince victims that any question or doubt is a sign of weak faith. This can undermine self-esteem and keep the victim from seeking help, leaving them feeling unsupported and unworthy.
5. Justifying Other Types of Abuse: Sadly, spiritual abuse often accompanies emotional or physical abuse. An abuser might justify their actions by claiming it’s their “right” under religious doctrine, making the victim feel they must accept suffering as part of their faith journey.
How Spiritual Abuse Hurts Mental Health and Faith
When faith, which should be a source of comfort, becomes a means of oppression, it can lead to intense feelings of guilt, fear, and confusion. People who experience spiritual abuse often feel disconnected from their community, their faith, and even their sense of self. Healing is about learning to separate faith from manipulation and finding new, healthy ways to connect with spirituality.
Protecting Yourself from Spiritual Abuse
If you think you or someone you know may be experiencing spiritual abuse, here are some steps to take:
1. Learn Your Faith’s Core Teachings: When you understand the principles and teachings of your faith, it’s easier to recognize when someone is twisting them to control you. Seek out trusted sources and teachers who encourage open discussions rather than strict obedience.
2. Talk to Trusted Friends or Family Members: Abuse often thrives in silence. Share your concerns with people you trust, especially if they know and understand your faith. They can give you a fresh perspective and support you in finding a way forward.
3. Report Abuse to Reliable Leaders or Authorities: If the person harming you is an authority figure, try to reach out to higher officials or support networks who can step in. Many faith communities are now more aware of spiritual abuse and are working to provide safe spaces.
4. Get Connected to Supportive Resources: Organizations that focus on faith-based abuse, like the Peaceful Families Project, offer resources, guidance, and connections to supportive communities.
How to Heal and Reconnect with Your Faith
Healing from spiritual abuse is a process. If you’ve been through it, know that your journey back to peace and faith is your own, and it doesn’t have to be rushed. Here are some steps to help with healing:
1. Revisit Your Faith on Your Terms: Spend time exploring what your faith means to you personally, without outside influence. Reconnecting with the core beliefs that once brought you comfort can be incredibly healing.
2. Find Your Support Network: Being surrounded by people who support your journey can make a huge difference. Talk to counselors, join groups with similar experiences, and seek out spaces where faith is a source of empowerment rather than control.
3. Set Boundaries with Abusive People: Creating distance from those who’ve hurt you is crucial to healing. This may mean limiting interactions or finding different spaces to practice your faith.
4. Seek Counseling: Professional support can help you work through the trauma and confusion. Many counselors now specialize in spiritual abuse and can guide you toward rediscovering your identity outside of the abuse.
Conclusion: Faith as a Source of Healing
Spiritual abuse is a violation of trust that often happens in relationships or communities we turn to for support. But true faith uplifts, inspires, and connects us with a greater sense of peace. By understanding and recognizing spiritual abuse, we can support one another in creating communities where faith empowers rather than controls.
For anyone who’s been through spiritual abuse, reconnecting with faith can be a slow but incredibly rewarding journey. With time, support, and self-compassion, you can find a way back to a faith that heals and strengthens.
