It’s quite a shock for most people when a friend, family member or neighbour confides to them that they are experiencing domestic violence or abuse in their home. Rarely are we prepared for something like this, and we might often not know how to respond. They could be asking for help or support, just wanting to talk, or unsure of what to do, but one thing is certain: your response will affect their decision. Here are the top five things to keep in mind and act upon if and when this situation arises.
1. Listen Without Judgment
Isolation is a common tool in abusive relationships. Many survivors lack a safe support system and might feel afraid or ashamed when they finally reach out. Listening without judgment is essential. It’s easy to fall into thinking, “Why doesn’t she just leave?” or “What about her kids?” However, domestic violence is a pattern of controlling behaviors that one person uses over another to maintain power. Recognize that the survivor is not responsible for the abuse. Listen carefully, without preconceived notions, and offer your full support.
2. Avoid Trying to “Fix” the Problem
Domestic violence situations are complex, and you may not have all the facts. Offering solutions can sometimes worsen the situation or make it unsafe. Instead, focus on being there to listen, support, and validate their feelings. Let the survivor make their own decisions since only they fully understand their circumstances and must live with the outcomes.
3. Recognize It Takes Time
Survivors often need time to process their experiences. Shame, embarrassment, and fear may prevent them from immediately sharing everything. Show your support by letting them know you believe them and are there for them. Leaving an abusive relationship can be a long journey, influenced by various factors like family pressure, children, finances, and safety. On average, women attempt to leave an abusive relationship seven times before successfully leaving for good.
4. Offer Tangible Support
If you’re able, offer concrete support to make things easier for the survivor. You could watch their children during appointments with service providers, offer your home as a temporary safe space if needed, or keep an emergency bag of essential items for them. These small but impactful gestures can provide a sense of security.
5. Encourage Help and Use Resources
Encourage the survivor to reach out to support resources when they’re ready. Organizations like Nisa Homes offer confidential guidance and assistance, and there are many resources available, such as local Sexual Assault Centers, Distress Centers, and Nisa Helpline. Remind them that help is available without pressuring them to act before they’re ready.
Final Thoughts
Supporting survivors of domestic violence and abuse is challenging but deeply rewarding. This guide offers five initial steps to help you respond thoughtfully. For more assistance, feel free to reach out to Nisa Homes, where help and guidance are available.
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Resources
f you or someone you know is looking for assistance, apply today at nisafoundation.ca/apply.
You can also send us an email at homes@nisafoundation.ca or call us at +1 888 711 6472. If you would like to support Nisa Foundation clients, donate today at nisafoundation.ca/donate
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